Was I Raped?

For a complete, detailed list of questions and answers, visit our Frequently Asked Questions page.

Was I raped?

If you believe that you have been raped or sexually assaulted please call our hotline 972-641-RAPE (7273) to discuss options for care and support. If you’d like to report the assault to the police, call 911. There are three considerations used to determine whether or not a sexual act is consensual or a crime. “Consensual” means that both people are old enough to consent, have the capacity to consent, and agreed to the sexual contact. You and your partner must be old enough, awake, lucid, and able to communicate in order to consent. However, you do not have to be sure that what happened to you meets the legal definition of sexual assault in order to obtain services. If you are not sure what happened is rape and/or are not sure what to do next, we encourage you to call the hotline to discuss options for care and support.

What does “consent” mean, exactly?

There are three considerations used to determine whether or not a sexual act is consensual or a crime. “Consensual” means that both people are old enough to consent, have the capacity to consent, and agreed to the sexual contact. You and your partner must be old enough, awake, lucid, and able to communicate in order to consent. That means people under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol, who are unconscious or sleeping, who may be undergoing a medical procedure, or whom the state has declared incapacitated (unable to make decisions for their own well-being) cannot consent. However, you do not have to be “sure” what happened to you meets the legal definition of sexual assault in order to obtain services. If you are not sure what happened is rape and/or are not sure what to do next, we encourage you to call the hotline to discuss options for care and support.

How old do you have to be to consent to sexual activity?

Each state sets an “age of consent,” the minimum age required to legally consent to sexual activity. People below this age are considered children and cannot legally agree to have sex. In other words, even if the child or teenager says “yes,” the law says “no.” In Texas, the age of consent is 17, but this can vary depending on the age difference between the participants. Generally, “I thought she was 17″ is not considered a legal excuse — it’s up to you to make sure your partner is old enough to legally take part. Because this can be both a complicated question and answer, it is important to call us to find out more about the laws in our state.

What if one or both of us was under the influence of drugs or alcohol?

Alcohol and drugs are not an excuse – or an alibi. States define who has the mental and legal capacity to consent. You have to be awake, lucid, and able to communicate in order to consent. Those with diminished capacity — including people who have been drugged or are unconscious — do not have the legal ability to agree to have sex. Ingesting such a quantity of any substance that it affects your decision making process is not advisable for a number of health related reasons. We encourage you to call us and find out more about the laws in our state.

What if I said yes, but didn’t want to? –or- I thought ‘no’, but didn’t say it. Is that considered consent?

While it is best to communicate your needs and boundaries whenever possible, sometimes it isn’t safe to resist, physically or verbally. It depends on the circumstances. If this is the case, we would ask that you consider the following questions: Did someone use physical force (of any kind) to make you have sexual contact with her/him? Did someone threaten you to make you have sexual contact with her/him? Were you afraid of the consequences of saying ‘No’? Were you scared for your life or safety? If fear was in the room, then there was no consent. It doesn’t matter if your partner thinks you meant yes, or if you’ve already started having sex – you have the right to change your mind about participating in sexual activity at any time. No one has the right to control your body but you.

I was asleep our unconscious when it happened – does that mean it wasn’t rape?

If you were asleep or unconscious, then you could not give consent. You have to be awake, lucid, and able to communicate in order to consent.

We started to have consensual sex, then I changed my mind but she/he wouldn’t stop. Does that mean it wasn’t rape?

It does not matter if you have had sex with that person many times before, if this was the first time, or even if you have started sexual activity and you change your mind. You have the right to change your mind about participating in sexual activity at any time. No one has the right to control your body but you. If you don’t want to have sex, your partner must stop.

I didn’t resist physically – does that mean it wasn’t rape?

People respond to assault in different ways. Just because you didn’t resist physically doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape – in fact, many victims make the conscious decision not to resist physically because it might cause the attacker to become more violent. Some people do resist physically because they believe that to be the best course of action in the moment. There is no shame in either path. You did what you had to do to survive. You are alive, and that is what matters.

I used to date or have some kind of intimate relationship with the person who assaulted me – does that mean it wasn’t rape?

Rape can occur when the offender and the victim have a re-existing relationship (sometimes referred to as ”date rape” or “acquaintance rape”), or even when the offender is a victim’s spouse or partner. It does not matter whether the other person is an ex-lover or a complete stranger, and it doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex in the past. The presence or absence of consent determines sexual assault, not the relationship between the offender and the victim.
 
I don’t remember the assault – does that mean it isn’t rape? Is there anything that can be done if I don’t remember what happened?

Just because you don’t remember being assaulted doesn’t necessarily mean it didn’t happen and that it wasn’t rape. Memory loss can result from the ingestion of GHB and other “rape drugs”, and from excessive alcohol consumption. It also does not necessarily mean the case cannot be investigated or prosecuted. If you wake up and believe you may have been drugged and assaulted, we encourage you to call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room as soon as possible. Some drugs disappear from the body quickly, and time is an important factor. Because this can be both a complicated question and answer, it is important to call us to find out more about your options.

I identify as male, and I think what happened to me may have been rape. Is that possible?

Yes, that is possible. Men can be victims of sexual violence. Your feelings may be the same as those of a female sexual assault survivor (guilt, powerlessness, concern regarding your safety), and you may also have some concerns unique to your gender identity, including your sexuality, masculinity, reporting to law enforcement, how to tell others, and how to find resources and support. You need to know that strong or weak, outgoing or withdrawn, homosexual, heterosexual, or somewhere in between, male, female, between or outside the gender binary, old or young, you have done nothing that justifies being raped. We encourage you to call our hotline to explore your options as a survivor.